Saturday, February 18, 2006

A Pointless Job and A Living Mouse

Oh my God I hate this job. I hate it so much I cannot describe it. It's sucking the life out of me. It's so annoyingly idotic and if I have to stay here one more minute I think I'm going to scream. I have to leave it, if only for my sanity. I have to go NOW. I'm packing my bags and I'm going, and if anyone asks me why, I shall answer: It is because I must.

I will not work anymore for a company that insists on me chaining my prehistoric stone age lap top to my desk and makes me take it home every night chain and all. They should be paying someone take this piece of junk off their hands. As I type the mouse has decided of its own accord not to work. My lap top's mouse is on strike people! My lap tops mouse has a mind of its own, which is more than I can say for the majority of employees here. Now I'm definately leaving!

Is Racism An Inherent Human Trait?

Something happened last night which really annoyed me. Something happened which confirmed what I already knew...that the problems in this world stem from the inability of most people to accept things which, to them, seem abnormal. Which to them seem strange. Which to them seem laughable. Is anyone in a position to laugh at the customs and traditions of other cultures? Are Western conventions so superior to others that the mere thought of anything that does not conform is enough to drive a grown man to sniggering? Last night, a group of us were discussing the fact that it looked like it might rain. In AD that's quite a big event. I asked one of the guys if he knew whether the people had prayed for rain yet. For those who don't know, in the UAE it's common for people to pray for rain during the year. Rain rarely falls, and in order to encourage rain, the people hold special prayers that ask God to grant forgiveness and send rain. Strangely enough, it usually rains very soon after such prayers. Whether or not this is as a result of the praying is up to you to decide.

Sure enough, a Belgian man in the group turned towards us and, trying unsuccessfully to restrain his laughter, asked us to repeat what we had been talking about. What? Pray for rain? What a stupid idea! They don't pray for rain in Belgium, therefore it's unbelievable for him to think that this may happen elsewhere in the world! Anyhow, needless to say a look from me shut him up. He annoyed me so much, it was the most I could do to restrain my reaction to a withering stare and the question "Do you find it hard to believe that people can influence events around them Christophe?" He mumbled something or other and went quiet, but it just pained me to think that a 28 year old 'man' (I use the term loosely here) could be so opposed to accepting the differences that come with different countries. Many people move countries and then complain when it's different than where they came from! What did they expect? If you are unable to accept that they may 'do things differently there', then you should never have gone!

I've been very lucky to grow up in a society where many nationalities and cultures live together. Being half Irish and half Jordanian, I had the advantage of being born into a family where there was no such thing as "this is the way it's done and that's it". A mix of religions, a mix of habits, a mix of languages, a mix of cultures. I grew up in the UAE, where the majority of people were expatriates. My friends were from all over the world, each with their own accents, their own backgrounds, their own religions and beliefs. Was it beneficial to me? Yes, it was, because from a young age I understood that there were many different people in the world, and that just because someone was different did not mean that they were in any way inferior or superior. I'm not saying that there is no such thing as racism or prejudices.

Personally, I believe that discrimination of some form or another is inherent to all human beings. I remember bringing up that point in a Jurisprudence class once. That racism is inherent, that just because anti-discrimination laws are in place that does not mean that discrimination will not exist. It's human nature to instinctively award a higher prestige to certain groups over others. I argued that nothing we could do would ever rid the world of racism, of prejudices, of discrimination. My professor asked me how we could use such a logic? Would that logic be satisfactory if for example you were to say that everyone is a pedophile and that nothing that could be done would stop people being pedophiles and therefore, it was an inherent human nature? I don't think I came up with an answer then, but I remember being annoyed with myself towards the end of the class because with all due respect to him, his argument was flawed.

I am not saying that all people are pedophiles, you must understand that was just a random example. But let's say that they are. Let's say that inherent in human nature is the desire to be a pedophile. Do you honestly think that the implementation of laws would rid the human race of this trait? No it would not. It would ensure that they never commited obvious acts of pedophilia, but it would not sway their desire to do so, and their belief that they were entitled to do so.

To bring into action anti-discriminatory laws does not rid the world of their generic prejudicial beliefs. Indeed, it does not have the effect of immediately cutting short their racist opinions. Instead, such laws ensure that they be prevented from acting in a way that would obviously point toward their inherent discriminatory views. Therefore, in the same way that pedophiles can be prevented from commiting pedophilic acts, inherent racism can be subdued by the enforcing of anti-racist legislation. Just because I am saying that racism is inherent, does not mean that I am saying that we cannot control it. What I am saying is that even though we can ensure that the public in general do not commit racist attacks or behave in a manner that betrays their lack of objectivity, we cannot control the fact that they may personally hold racist beliefs and ideas. We can control their actions, but we cannot control their thoughts. (although I should bring up in another post soon that the technology does exist with which our thoughts and feelings can be controlled. I know. I had the same reaction as you.)

The only way forward in this world is to change the way people react to their thoughts. There will always be some sort of prejudicial beliefs within the minds of humans the world over. On that point we can do nothing. What we can do is encourage people to be more open and accepting of others. To understand that the whole world cannot be the same, and to next time curb the laughter and take the time to appreciate and learn about the customs of others.

A Manager In Diapers

Men never grow up do they? Just as its a fact that women are terrible drivers, it's also a fact that men never grow up. Granted, in each of these theories there is bound to exist an exception or two, but so far I have yet to experience execeptions in either. Just as in every adult male there exists a three year old little boy keeping score and throwing tantrums, in every female there lurks an overly cautious, annoyingly careful driver. Is there anything we can do about it? Probably not.

There exists a manager within this God-forsaken corporation of which I am a part of for the time being, who is being odd with me simply because I refused to accept his job offer. I refused his offer, and now that I'm back here temporarily working for someone else, he's acting like a spoilt brat. Don't you hate people like that? Must they so decidedly laugh in the face of professionalism? When I was here last time, he didn't care that my current boss wanted to give me a job. No, he wanted me so he completely overlooked my boss and purposely ignored the fact that my boss had offered me a job first. This manager also chose to ignore the fact that the job he was offering me concerned only a portion of what I had studied. Now that I've "snubbed" him in favour of someone else he's acting like a little girl. I just met him in the lift now, and even though he's about 30 years older than me, I felt like his mother. I almost sighed and mumbled "they're a terror at this age aren't they?" I just wish he would grow up! Because at the moment the urge to pull out the wooden spoon and give him a well-deserving smack on the bottom is overwhelmingly strong! Unfortunately, he might like that. And well, we can't have that now can we? ;)

Friday, February 17, 2006

Batman&Warrior Princess vs. The Valentine Lovers

Dear Lord above, I thought this kind of pain wasn't possible. I can't move, I can't walk, I can't breathe, I almost can't talk. Muscles I didn't even know I had are aching. I'd rather not sit down, because there's a chance I may not be able to get up again.

So what did I do to inflict this sort of torture upon myself? Scale the highest mountain? Rescue a kitten from a burning blaze? Single-handedly defeat an army?

Nope... I just played tennis. Yes, tennis. Tennis. I know! Tennis. Did anyone know how many muscles you used playing that game? Give me a moment, let me move about a bit, I think I may be able to give you an exact number. I think I'm gonna have to start working out again!

Unfortunately Batman and Warrior Princess didn't win. It's alright though, they're working on a battle plan for next time. The Valentine Lovers had better watch out... 'somebody's gonna get a hurtin' real bad" (Russell Peters anyone?)

Thursday, February 16, 2006

Live!

How beautiful it is to do nothing, and then to rest afterwards...

I think we all need to learn how to slow down a bit. Slow down a bit and enjoy life. Life's passing us by. Every minute we spend rushing to be on time, every second we spend worrying about what people will think, everytime we put off doing something we want to do off until when we're "not so busy"....its all pointless. We're not living. We're putting life on hold. We're eating without savouring, we're hearing without listening, we're speaking without talking, we're doing without experiencing. Our "living" is a slow and painfully boring death. Let's live!

Whatever you have really really wanted to do today but have been putting off....go out and do it now! Leave your cubicle and go make a snow angel outside, ask that cute girl in your office out, jump up on your desk and start doing the funky chicken, laugh out loud right now! Whatever it is just do it!!

(zenasthoughts does not in any way support the commission of any illegal offences, and will not be liable for any actions taken by zenasthoughts' readers in reaction to this post!)

Tuesday, February 14, 2006

Speakez-Vous English??!!

I sometimes wonder how in the world people who obviously have no idea how to speak, read or write English are allowed to draft contracts...in English! I mean, do they actually think the sentences they have constructed make sense? Do they really think that their points have come across to the reader? Do they know what points they want to make? Do they know how to write????
This is what I've been contemplating as I've been correcting, re-correcting and swearing at contracts that go something along the lines of this

" If Trustees shall desire in pursuance of this Article to pay money for benefit of person who is minor or it incapacitated the may pay they same to any other person (legally authorised to receive they same on behalf of minor or incapacitated) for that purpose without being bound to see to it that I have absolutely no idea what the hell I'm talking about and am systematically speaking out of my ass while copying and pasting these clauses from contracts that were written in English by Spanish speaking monkeys on the island of Crete in 1909 and which I personally think are very good and will certainly provide adequte protection for my company.... where's my promotion?"

ahhhhhhhhhrrrrrrrrgggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!

What Do You Think Love Is?

Everyone has a different idea as to what 'love' is exactly. No two ideas are the same. Does love at first sight exist, or is it just lust? Is there a difference between romantic love and friendly love? Is one more real than the other? Is it truly possible for humans to be monogamous? Is love for more than one person any less genuine than love for just one? Is the person who gives his heart away easily a fool? Or is he intelligently taking as much part as he can in what can be the most wonderful experiences of your life? Many questions, many answers. I asked Mossop what he thought, and here's what he said: "Love is a mystery Zena, supposedly it can be anywhere anytime..."
That's true..you never know where it might be. And most of the time, you find it in the most unexpected places and in the most unlikely people.

So I ask, What do you think Love is?

Valentines Day

I really felt that I couldn't post today without making some reference to what day it is. If you don't know, shame on you. You either couldn't give a toss or else have been asleep the past couple of days while everyone else has been getting that Valentine fever. I know, what's the big deal about it? Still though, before I go on let me wish you a Happy Valentine's Day. Don't know if you celebrate it, but judging by the reactions of everyone I've seen today, it seems like the entire world just loves the whole idea about a day dedicated to love. And it is a great idea. To have one day dedicated to the people you love. To have one day in the year when you get to tell someone that you love them, or indeed even that you like them. But I ask you, has Valentines Day lost its meaning?

Does real romance still exist behind the billions of cards, the countless pesticide infected roses, the dozens of shoppers elbowing each other out of the way to get the last heart shaped box of additive-filled, chemically-coloured, sugar-coated goo that is most supermarket chocolate? Could it possibly exist? Has real love been completely drowned out by the stench of artificial affection? Has the society we live in made us so cynical that there exists no chance for any of us to truly give our heart and soul anymore?

I think it's wonderful to tell someone you love them, and even more importantly I think that it's vital to show someone you love them. But showing it does not mean buying them as much stuff in as many shades of pink and red as you can! That's not love. That's commercial love. It's like you're saying, right, I need to let you know that I love you, even though if you judged the strength of my love on my attitude towards you it would fall somewhere between "hate you to death" and "where's my gun". So how will I do it? Will I change my ways and be loving and caring towards you? Or will I just buy an outrageously large card and a life-size red mass of, what's supposed to represent a heart, shaped foam? Hmmm... I know...It's a tough one! Still though, the first would involve putting in an effort and actually changing my appalling personality. In this age of instant gratification, it's alot more appealing to choose the foam!

I would much rather if someone took the time to do something meaningful for me. To make something with their two hands. To write something for me. To search and search for something that I wanted but couldn't find. Even if they bought me something that they just knew I would love. An action that took time, an action that paid testament to the love behind it.

I went shopping for cards this afternoon and dear Lord, we stepped into the shop....a sea of RED. The place was filled with frantic shoppers on their lunch break searching for that meaningful present for their loved one. Suprisingly most of them were men. Although, to be quite honest I think that has a lot more to do with dread at the probable consequences of inaction on such a special day rather than a genuine desire to buy half dead flowers for their girlfriends.

Still though, I suppose we should give them some bit of praise. No matter how inadequete the action in the world of romance, at least they're trying. And let's face it...we all know we're going to stop by the teddy bear factory on our way home this evening! Sometimes, you've just got to conform.

Monday, February 13, 2006

Review of Tom Waits' "Closing Time"

For a bit of a change, I'm posting an album review I just finished for a magazine in Ireland. It's a monthly thing and this month I've chosen to start reviewing debut albums of some of musics legends. I've begun with Tom Waits' debut album "Closing Time", and for those who've read my past reviews, if this falls a bit short blame it on the fact that I've been trying to research and write it at work! Even been listening to the album here! Enjoy (I've left out the general intro). Oh and if anyone has any ideas as to who I could look at for next month, keep those suggestions coming.

Tom Waits is probably best known to most people as the man with the voice rougher than sandpaper. His voice characterizes his work and makes it very difficult for the more casual listeners to get into it. Indeed, his gravelly voice was once described by the MusicHound Rock Album Guide as sounding like “it was soaked in a vat of bourbon, left hanging in the smokehouse for a few months and then taken outside and run over with a car”. As a result for those who listen to Waits, they either love him or hate him. Within his voice, his music and his lyrics, they either find something significant or nothing at all.

For myself, Waits had been praised left, right and centre by a lot of people I knew. Not realizing that his work steadily became darker and quirkier with the passage of time, I got a hold of “Beautiful Maladies” and to be honest was not at all impressed by him. I had jumped into the deep end, and without any knowledge of his past work and the persona he had constructed for himself, I had nothing to keep me afloat. There ended my delving into the world of Waits until a friend gave me a copy of a couple of his songs, including “Tom Traubert’s Blues”. I was intrigued. It was unlike anything I had ever heard before and I wanted more. Where better to start than at the beginning of his career?

“Closing Time” was released in 1973, ironically the same year as legend Bruce Springsteen released his first album “Greeting From Asbury Park”. Perhaps Waits would have been more successful in his early years had artists like Bob Dylan and Leonard Cohen not been discovered. At that time, Cohen was at the heights of his popularity and it would have been forgivable not to be open to discovering the poetry that was Waits. Waits was realistic. No long-winded metaphors, no cheap sentiments, no fake romanticism, just poetry so realistic it almost hurt. Some commented that Waits somehow managed to “evade clichés, or at least make even the clichés seem right”.

For those who are more familiar with his later work, “Closing Time” is miles away from it, both in terms of content and in terms of the state of Waits’ voice at the time. His vocals on this album are almost “clean”. Indeed, “Closing Time” has been described as his “freshest vehicle of self-expression.” Nevertheless, it is mature and it is this maturity that is important, because it must be remembered that Waits was only 22 at the time. In the track “Martha”, Waits tells story of a man who calls up his old lover 40 years later to tell her he still loves her. The song is full of imagery and sentiment, and the fact that a guy in his twenties can communicate an old man’s genuine and sincere feelings with so much emotional power is amazing. It, in itself, serves as evidence of Waits’ capability both as a musician and a storyteller.

Waits’ debut album isn’t flashy. In fact, it’s beauty lies in its simplicity. It is probably the friendliest Tom Waits album you could buy, and is an excellent introduction to his work. It has been described as being an “immensely natural and humble album”, but do not be fooled because, typical of Waits, these songs are of late-night loneliness. An album written for anyone who has had their heart broken and has lived the ensuing days in a bar. It’s a beautiful blend of blues and jazz with a hint of country thrown in for good measure. However, unlike his later work, in “Closing Time” his songwriting certainly could not be described as being eccentric. Yes, he still portrays the world that lies on the other side of the tracks, the world of freaks, drunks and nobodies, but he presents it in an almost less imposing way than on his later albums. “Closing Time” marks the beginning of the surfacing of the sound of the “shifting, unruly chaos that lurks beneath the plastic, smoothed out surface of American life”, and announces the arrival of a talented songwriter whose “self-conscious melancholy can be surprisingly moving”.

Is it worth it? Is it advisable to buy an album released 23 years ago, by a man who many politely refer to as ‘bit strange’? Yes. Yes it is. “Closing Time” is significant if only to offer the listener a chance to catch a glimpse of Tom before the Tom Waits persona took over. A chance to see behind the surreal, larger than life “Tom Waits” character that is clearly a role. Yet, by creating this role Waits underlines what we should already understand. That “art” is something apart from the one who makes it. He himself once said that: “The stories behind most songs are less interesting than the songs themselves.” Indeed, the myth-laden smokescreen of tall tales and storytelling acts as a safeguard, ensuring that family, music and an ever-inquisitive public can peacefully co-exist. Many would consider an album such as “Closing Time” to be the beginning and end of their artistic growth. Fortunately, Waits didn’t, and with each passing album came some aspect of growth in his style, in his lyrics, in his voice. In fact, the overall change is so remarkable that for those who only know his later work, the side of Waits portrayed in “Closing Time” may leave them bewildered. It is light years away from Waits’ schizophrenic Eighties’ period, and there is no way that you could predict the bizarre twists and turns of his career when listening to these simple tunes. It is a record that strips away the artistic garments that have been piled upon poetry in the past. The album is a return to basics, and an album that I shall be certain to return to again and again. Waits makes you realize that sometimes, being the most conventionally popular artist is not necessarily the best thing to be. He shows you that within the ugliness of life, there exists a beauty that does not fade simply because it’s just that little bit harder to see.

Tom tells a story that once when his children were young they asked him why he didn’t have a straight job like everyone else. He answered them this way: “In the forest, there was a crooked tree and a straight tree. Everyday the straight tree would say to the crooked tree, ‘Look at me. I’m tall, I’m straight and I’m handsome. Look at you. You’re all crooked and bent.’ They grew up in that forest together, and one day the loggers came. They saw the crooked tree and the straight tree and they said ‘Just cut the straight trees and leave the rest’. So the loggers turned all the straight trees into lumber and toothpicks and paper, and the crooked tree is still there, growing stronger and stronger everyday.”

Quite a fitting way to describe the man himself, don’t you think?

Sunday, February 12, 2006

Nothing Gets Past The Americans!

I thought it was very funny this morning how CBS News Headlines mentioned the News of The World tape...something along the lines of

" ..tape that has been released showing the apparent beating of Iraqi boys by British troops"

cue the tape which clearly shows British troops beating Iraqi boys. (??!!)

Hmm...the accuracy of American media is incredible. Still though, you're right. I mean, they can't just accept the validity of these tapes without question! Tests must be done! It'll take months! years! decades! Perhaps it was Iraqi insurgents dressed up as British troops, kicking their little brothers, and getting their local friendly Iraqi insurgent with a British accent to tape it and ecstatically comment at the same time. You know, just to 'fool the world!'. To rile up the troops who are there merely to "rid the world of oppression". Who are there to FREE the people! Long live beating the shit out of little boys, especially if it's done in the name of freedom.

Sadistic Cruelty In Iraq

WHO DO THESE PEOPLE THINK THEY ARE??????????????
What's wrong with this world that we turn a blind eye to what is going on around us?? What's wrong with the Arab people...why are we refusing to stand up and put a stop to the injustices suffered by us? Why is everyone so cowardly? Why does everyone think they have better things to do than to stand up for themselves? Are we America's punching bag? Are material possessions more important than stopping the harm being done around the world? Evidently so.

Did you watch the news today? I just watched it, I had to come on here straight away because if I don't say something I think I'll explode. If you watched the news then you'll know about the tape that has been released by News of the World. This tape shows the reactions of British troops to a street riot by young teenage boys in Iraq early 2004. They chased the boys away, caught a few of them, dragged them into an army area surrounded by high walls, and proceeded to beat them senseless. Grown men kicking and hitting 12 and 13 year old boys! The cries of the boys can be heard on the tape hundreds of metres away.
That's not all though.... that tape was being filmed by a Corporal in the army. Someone who is supposed to lead the troops, to serve as an example through his actions. He filmed it from the roof of a nearby building. And do you want to know what his reaction to it was? He was delighted. Ecstatic. His voice could be heard shouting into the camera

"YES! YES! OH YES! haha Naughty little boys. Oh don't kill me don't kill me. haha YES! OH YEAH! please please don't hit me! haha not so brave now are you? OH YES! HIT THEM! KICK THEM! HARDER!"

then there was a whole bit edited out, presumably because of the severity of what he was saying. When his voice comes back on, clear as day you can make out the last word of the sentence he had spoken.... "DIE"!!!!!!!! Said with such rage, with such hate, with such menace, and most frighteningly, with such pleasure. If you couldn't see the screen you would think he was watching a porn movie, his reactions certainly sounded like he derived that much pleasure and satisfaction from watching the brutal beating of mere schoolboys.

A war that should never have been waged. A war whose real reasons lie in the desire to systematically rid the world of Arabs, and in the process gain control of all the oil we have. If you choose to fight, fight with dignity and honour.
Taking pleasure in the beating of schoolboys who are merely fighting back against the destruction of their country, their family and the world as they know it...this is not honour. This is sadism.

Saturday, February 11, 2006

Disease Of Normality Is Contagious

Something very strange is going on...
There's something not quite right and I'm just not sure what's happened. Something strange has come over me, and I have reason to believe that I should be worried. For some unknown reason, today I seem to be less violently opposed to this job than usual. The seeds of discontentment have indeed been sown and for the past few weeks have been flourishing pleasingly into strong healthy shoots of anger and opposition. But today, today they have withered and unless something is done they are in danger of dying completely. Today, my friends, an eerie sense of calm has descended upon me and I find myself doing my work almost....happily! Where did I go wrong? What within me slipped up and allowed the obvious brain-washing of society to have an effect? My resolve to leave this god-forsaken corporate world is being drowned out...but by what? Something, but what I'm not entirely sure. Perhaps the normality of society is spreading the disease of acceptance of the inevitable to me. The disease of normality somehow got in under my skin yesterday evening, festered overnight and resulted in this horrifying feeling of contentment this morning. I must fight it, but it will be a battle not easily won. A battle of hardships, myself against the world. It must be done though, lest I find myself at the end of this week willingly volunteering to single-handedly come up with a strategy to increase the profits of the evil evil corporation. Somehow, with the way I've been acting this morning, it doesn't seem so improbable anymore!

What I Could Have Been, Had I Only Tried

Tara thinks I should go to New York, live in a dingy flat, work as a waitress, and try to make it as an actress. Of course, she's advising from a purely selfish vantange, as she's admitted she just wants to have a friend who's a struggling actress! haha I think she's right though. Except I'm going to replace New York with London. I'm just going to go for it. For God's sake, I can sit around here moaning about how much I hate this job, and how I don't want to do this for the rest of my life, how I want to act, but what the hell am I doing about it???? Not enough. Not nearly enough. So that's my plan. A year in Dublin, then on to London, do some theatre, and take it from there. I just want to say that I've given it a shot, and not look back when I'm old and wrinkled and think 'Oh, what I could have been had I only tried'.

Thursday, February 09, 2006

Petitions And The Avian Flu

I just got word that the petition that was set up to get me back to Cork (see my Got 'Da Cork Blues post) has been signed by 89 people. (before I go on...isn't that so cool?!)
Apparently I said I'd go back when it got to 100.... hmm
Perhaps now I can have a valid excuse to leave work earlier than originally planned! Great!
So how long exactly do I get after the 100th signature before I have to fulfil my oral obligation and head back to Cork?

On another note, my boss is away for a week. I thought I'd get the week off. Wishful thinking apparently because not only do I not have the week off...I'm being put in charge of the legal department. Yes, I know I'm just as shocked as you. But really, considering the department is comprised of a grand total of 2 people, myself included, it would be pretty logical to assume that when my boss decided to go skiing in Switzerland for a week I would get stuck with his work.
Oh Lord! I actually think I feel a touch of the flu coming on... perhaps even of the avian strain. Might be better if I stayed in bed for a while. You know, just for the sake of the company and all.
That should buy me some time...

ee cummings

ee cummings is brilliant, or so i think anyhow. in tribute to him im writing this post without much punctuation and most certainly without any capital letters. have you ever read his work? you should, because my god some of it is beautiful. he's obsessed with rain it seems, or else he just feels that theres something poetic about rain in general. perhaps there is. people call me a poet just because i write poetry, which people happen to think is good and enjoy reading. does that make me a poet? i suppose technically it does, and i'd like to think i do have a poetic flair about me. at least, i think the world would be better if everything and everyone was poetic. but i also believe conversations would be alot more fun if there was singing and dancing involved. not many share my opinion. i think within everyone is a poet. if you can feel, you can be a poet. only when you're emotionally dead would you find it hard to write poetry, and then i assume your senses would be working fine, which would mean you could still write about what you see, hear, feel, taste, smell.
i was talking the other night to a friend of mine about people in general, and how most people find it hard to go to the cinema alone. he asked if i ever go alone. i said yes. he hasn't worked up the courage yet. i'll admit it took a while before i actually did it, but once you break the barrier you realise that people are more caught up in themselves to pay more than a split second thought to the one over there on his own. so we're thinking of going alone together. you know, sit at other ends of the theatre! just for his first time... and just cause it'll be alot more fun that way haha

ive been reading ee cumming all day; ill leave you with a couple of lines from him

"i'd rather learn from one bird how to sing
than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance"

Wednesday, February 08, 2006

Slavery Under The Name Of Competition

It's nice to give people things to do. Nice to make them feel important. Make them feel that what they're doing really means something in the big scheme of things. As I write I'm looking around at the people surrounding me, slaving to finish work before some randomly placed deadline. Working hard to do something that is made to seem so important. Really believing that what they're doing is necessary. That no one can do the job like they do. Oh, how we have been fooled. There are a million people ready to take our places. A million people willing to believe that what they have to do is important. It's only importance lies in increasing the profits of those very people who are ruining our lives.

An exerpt from one of my poems:

"Oh, foolish fools that we have become
Marching in time to the same old drum
With State and Society providing the beat
Generic beliefs moving our feet
We are no more individual than we are real
Our god is Authority and before it we kneel"

Live Fast, Die Young

If you had the choice, would you live a long happy life and die an "average joe" so to speak, or would you live a short life of extreme ups and downs, but die a legend?

I was thinking about that recently, especially after I watched "Lady Sings The Blues"; a movie about the life of Billie Holiday and starring Diana Ross. Billie was a legend in her own right. What a voice...but what a life. She went through so much crap and intentionally put herself through so much more crap with cocaine. Yet, she will forever be remembered. Immortalised. Legendary. Like James Dean. He died so young, but would he have been the legend he is now had he grown old, lost his hair and gained 100lbs? No he wouldn't. I have a poster of James Dean, looking into the camera, God he was sexy. The cigarettes, the cool rugged handsomness. No wonder so many men smoke. They want to be James Dean, and let's face it, on some men its just so god damn sexy. Luke Perry has that James Dean kind of thing going on too. But he will never be the legend that James is. Is it because he's still around? Still growing old? Marilyn Monroe was amazing, but would she be the giant figure she is now had she not died in such tragic circumstances? Probably not. Sure she would always have been Marilyn Monroe, but with the withering away of her looks and sex appeal would come the trembling of her legendary status. Mystery is what keeps things interesting. That's why 40's and 50's stars are remembered by us much more than the stars of today will be remembered by our children. There's no mystery when you know every private detail of someone's life.

If I could choose, I think I would rather die young but die a legend. To live a life of passion, to live a life doing something you love, to be ALIVE. Life is nothing without passion; whether its passion about your work, passion about someone, passion for a cause. That's the way I want to live, and that's what I would choose.

Tuesday, February 07, 2006

Nickname Hiccup

I was just sitting here "working" and.... ok perhaps I should clear this up. I am working, honestly. It's just, I feel that in order to raise my productivity to optimal level, it's necessary to regularly take a break and stimulate my mind in ways other than through reading the nitty gritty of contracts. Not to say that that isn't stimulating...to some perhaps. Whatever floats your boat I guess, and well right now my boat has crashed into a glacier resembling a page and a half clause and my boat is sinking slowing and painfully. I'm drowning in a sea of terms and conditions and it's not very pretty. Quite distressing really. So you see, I write not only for pleasure, mine and yours, but to LIVE.

So anyhow, I was sitting here working, and I got to thinking. About a lot of things really... not least of all the fact that perhaps it wasn't such a good idea to start calling my boss "JB". A nickname is cute, but...now this is just a gut feeling here...i think he just may not be that fond of it. I don't know! Just a feeling! Nevertheless, I've decided to perhaps go back to being old-school and calling him Mr. (insert name here). No matter how young he may be, perhaps he'd rather if JB was confined to the basketball courts (assuming its still 1993 or he still plays basketball).

But thing is, it's a big operation this whole name switching thing really. I can't just go back to the original name too quickly! It'll seem like I can't commit to a name-change. Like I never really believed in the nickname in the first place. Like he really was never a "JB" all along. Ego's could be bruised in such a delicate operation. Perhaps calling him JB has made him feel 'cool', 'hip', 'one of the gang'...give me a break here, I'm trying to put myself in his place, which involves the use of his vocabulary! No, it's gotta be gradual...y'know sort of like I'm not even aware that I'm calling him something different. Naturally rolling off my tongue. Like "JB" was just a phase, a passing fad. Like "JB" just matched the cologne he was wearing this week.

So currently, I'm calling him Mr. B... I know, I'm cringing too! But it's gotta be done! The guy thinks I'm mentally challenged I know. Trying to say it casually is not easy. It's quite hard to slip something like "Mr. B" into a conversation about our financial exposure in a certain boring as hell contract. It's too early to intelligently gauge the reaction, but I'll tell you this much, I can't wait for next week when I can go back to calling him Mr. Berti again!

It's Always Nice To Laugh

It's always nice to have a laugh, and right now I'm back to work after an hour of laughing! I met up with Ismail, a friend of mine, for lunch and seriously that guy should be a comedian! I just laugh non-stop when I'm with him. I think it should be made a rule that when you're on your lunch break, you've got to have a laugh. Companies should set up lunch time comedy shows. Think of the boost for morale! A clown popping out from behind the ficus in the corner every now and then to squirt your boss with water...think of it! Genius! Can't believe it's taken this long to think of it...

Seriously though, I love to laugh and more importantly I love to make people laugh. I do run into problems on that latter point though, because I am really bad at telling jokes! Especially jokes that involve a story and a punch line. One liners I'm pretty good at, but most of the time the only time I make people laugh is when I really don't mean to. Or when they're laughing AT me, which to be honest I don't mind because I continuously have to laugh at myself. One person I do know how to make laugh is my sister Dana. God I love to make her laugh. Just to hear her laugh is so great, and I think thats been the way since she was born. I'm a year and a half older than her and from when she was a baby I would do ANYTHING just to make her laugh. Dancing around her crib, making faces. The amount of vile creations I ate when she got older just to get her to laugh. She'd mix up ketchup, tabasco sauce, mayonnaise, sugar, salt, whatever she could get her hands on and bring it to me pretending that it was something normal. I would eat it just to make her laugh. We have an odd sense of humour, and now 21 years later, although I've put the foot down on anything involving eating something she's come up with, I instictively know what's going to make her laugh. Last night she wasn't in that great a mood, but before we got off the phone I had her laughing so hard. It was nice. I think more people should spend time trying to make people happy instead of making them suffer. I know that sometimes when I'm pissed off I intentionally say things to get others pissed off too. Yet I feel so guilty afterwards. Life is too short! Let's laugh while we can. There'll be plenty of things to cry about yet.

On another note, big shout out to Yousef who is on his way to Canada! He's promised to write letters! Actual letters! I know! See you soon hopefully Yousef, we'll miss you!

Monday, February 06, 2006

I Am Only One; But I Am One.

Came across this quote just now. Beautiful isn't it? Let us make the effort to stand up for what we believe in. And let us hope that what we truly believe in is not war, pain, suffering and violence. The so-called "war on terrorism" has no basis in fact. It is a political myth propagated to pave the way for a wholly different agenda. "Terrorism" exists because we have allowed it to exist, because certain governments want it to exist in order to have an excuse to take actions that otherwise would have been unacceptable. Violence without reason is unacceptable. How lucky for some that the world seems to be giving plenty reasons for military violence to be accepted. In April 2001, a report for the US government from the Baker Institue of Public Policy stated that "the US remains a prisoner of its energy dilemma. Iraq remains a destabilising influence to....the flow of oil to international markets from the Middle East." It was recommended that "military intervention" was necessary. In mid-July 2001, Niaz Niak a former Pakistan foreign secretary was told by senior American officials at a meeting in Berlin that "military action against Afghanistan would go ahead by the middle of October". If the real purpose of the "war on terror" was to capture Bin Laden, how has he managed to elude the US so successfully? To say that one man can stay hidden from what is supposed to be the most powerful country in the world with the best intelligence unit, is to say that he is a genius. Perhaps they never really cared about "capturing terrorists" in the first place? We need to open our eyes, and stop believing everything that is fed into our eager minds through the spoon that is the media.

"I am only one, but I am one. I cannot do

everything, but I can do something. And because
I cannot do everything, I will not refuse to do the
something that I can do. What I can do, I should do.
And what I should do, by the grace of God,
I will do."
EDWARD EVERETT HALE